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Stories by the night watchman.
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The Third M?n
Studio Exec


Joined: 09 Sep 2003
Posts: 575
Location: Chasing Stef around post-war Vienna

PostPosted: 02.20.2004 4:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

the night watchman wrote:
So, you've written a story about childhood fears? Why not post it?


Check again -- it's on this very forum.
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the night watchman
Studio Exec


Joined: 27 Jun 2003
Posts: 1373
Location: Dark, run-down shack by the graveyard.

PostPosted: 02.20.2004 4:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Cool So it is. I'll read it today.
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beltmann
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Joined: 26 Jun 2003
Posts: 2341
Location: West Bend, WI

PostPosted: 03.19.2004 2:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I just read "Glove Box Heart." I liked it. Brief feedback:



In the opening few paragraphs, I found much of the setting descriptions rather indistinct. The reliance on imprecise details, and especially the generic colors, prevented me from picturing specific sights--perhaps the ambiguity is intended as part of the mystery? The ruminations on sprawl strain to make thematic connections; to me they functioned more as conspicuous delay. I sensed that we were sorta killing time simply so you could spring something on me.



Of course, you did, with the wonderful sentence, "After all, I do still carry the touch of a soft cheek on my fingertips." I was hooked right there, and felt pulled through to the end.



The second-half dialogue sparkles with style, wit, and mystery; I was hanging on every word. I can't say I have a clear notion of who this woman is, but of course that's partially the point--our dreams, our fantasies, our memories are all idealized and unformed. As a transient experience, a woman like this lingers in our heart and spirit more than our senses. Most of us can relate to such an ephemeral memory.



I was reminded deeply of Bernstein's recollection in Citizen Kane: "I bet not a month has gone by since then that I haven't thought of that girl."



Other things I liked:

"poet of concrete and bustle"

"But there it was. That bend in the road that had never been there before."

"might break the world off its axis and send it rolling into Mystery."

And the last paragraph is perfect.



Eric
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the night watchman
Studio Exec


Joined: 27 Jun 2003
Posts: 1373
Location: Dark, run-down shack by the graveyard.

PostPosted: 03.19.2004 11:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Glad you liked it, Eric. Smile Thanks for reading and for the critique. I think the first half goes on bit long, too, but I edited the hell out of it, and everything that remained was necessary to establish the "world." Maybe I'll come back to it in a few years and figure out how to streamline it further.



beltmann wrote:
In the opening few paragraphs, I found much of the setting descriptions rather indistinct. The reliance on imprecise details, and especially the generic colors, prevented me from picturing specific sights--perhaps the ambiguity is intended as part of the mystery?




More or less. I'd read about the concept of the text functioning less as a narrative and more as a blueprint for a narrative the author and reader build together. "Glove Box Heart" is an attempt to coax the reader into participating in the story, and to give him leeway for interpretation. I have a friend who read all the surreal descriptions as the mind fashioning the memory of realistic events into personalized metaphors, and another who is happy to read the story literally. Both also have different takes on the ending.
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beltmann
Studio Exec


Joined: 26 Jun 2003
Posts: 2341
Location: West Bend, WI

PostPosted: 03.21.2004 10:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

the night watchman wrote:
I have a friend who read all the surreal descriptions as the mind fashioning the memory of realistic events into personalized metaphors


That's more or less how I interpreted it. That's also what I assumed was the primary theme of the tale.



Eric
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