Vampira / Night Vamps   D

Year Released: 1998 (DVD Double Feature: 2003)
MPAA Rating: Unrated
Directors: Angel Mora, Everette Hartsoe
Writers: Angel Mora, Everette Hartsoe
Cast: Nacho Vidal, Eva Morales, Xavier Canals, Emilio Lisbona, Sofia Mutti, Max Cortes, Glori-Anne Gilbert, Kelly Jaye, Lovette, Brittany Andrews.

One of the first in Sub Rosa's new line of Drive-In Double Feature DVDs, this value-priced single-disc release includes a cut version of the hardcore B-movie porno Vampira, directed by Angel Mora, and Night Vamps, directed by Everette Hartsoe, which consists of nothing but a few silicone-pumped girls getting naked and rolling around. In other words, B-movie aficionados shouldn't bother, but those seeking bargain-basement titillation may find plenty to enjoy here. I didn't.

The Spanish film Vampira involves a photographer named Alex (Nacho Vidal) who convinces his pal Victor that he saw a vampire-like woman in the woods. They talk to an expert who tells them that what Alex saw wasn't a vampire, but a vampire-like creature that feeds off the blood and sperm of hot young studs. Or something like that. Of course, the plot is only there to connect the sometimes intense, always sweaty sex scenes. It's obvious that Vampira is a hardcore sex movie, but it's edited here to avoid money shots and close-ups of actual penetration. While there's a somewhat erotic lesbian vampire sequence that segues into a pretty hot three-way with Vidal, most of the action is pretty mundane. As a porno, it's rather blah. As a B-movie, it's certainly bad, but not quite bad enough to make it any good.

Then there's Night Vamps, which doesn't even attempt to frame its never-ending scenes of explicit female nudity with a story. Instead, the cute and perky Glori-Anne Gilbert rolls around on a bed wearing skimpy lingerie as she introduces each of three single-girl segments featuring former Penthouse Pet Kelly Jaye and adult movie stars Lovette and Brittany Andrews. For me, the only performer who generated any real heat was Andrews, who seems to be truly enjoying herself whether doing a fully nude grind on a chair or seductively eating a banana and putting strawberries where they probably don't belong. It's also worth noting that there are no cheap cutaways here to avoid getting too explicit. You see everything. After the other girls have their fun in the spotlight, Gilbert finally gets naked and does some more rolling around and even humps a pillow. Talk about class.

I guess I could rant about all the things wrong with these two features -- from the dreadfully boring Vampira taking itself too seriously to the ugly production values that make Night Vamps feel unbearably sleazy and the grotesque implants on some of the girls -- but what would be the point? There's an audience for this stuff, I know, and I'm simply not part of it. So although I can't say that either movie is my cup of tea, the DVD will probably satisfy its intended audience. Probably.

Review published 06.10.2003.

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